why thru-hike?
i’ve struggled to write this post for well over a year. it’s not a question i ask myself. it’s something others ask. the answer is hard to put into words. my attempts to provide an answer have revealed that no answer i give will be sufficient. you either get it or you don’t. when someone asks why, they most likely look to fit the idea of long distance hiking into their own bubble of rationality. they inquire from a purely intellectual and logical perspective, demanding a rational, objective defense. i can not accommodate. it’s not a matter of i don’t want to. i can’t.
for me it’s simply intuitive. i reply with a simple shoulder shrug. there is no rational, single answer. it’s a web of answers. leave out one strand and the web, the answer, becomes incomplete.
to provide a simple three-word summation: thru-hiking is life. i realize that most people reading this will scratch their heads. so i’ll expound.
it’s not easy
doing hard stuff makes it easier to do hard stuff. — john zahorian
long distance hiking is physically, emotionally, mentally, and psychologically challenging. it breaks me down in countless ways, yet, if i allow, it builds me back differently. the trail has peaks and valleys. the act of hiking has peaks and valleys. some days are brutal and others are pure magic. the stuff in between is a rollercoaster. with each break and rebuild the brutal days become fewer and the days in between start to come with an ease. this doesn’t mean that it gets easy; it just becomes less hard. my body grows stronger. emotional, mental, and psychological states begin to see beauty in the struggle and they too adapt and become more resilient. the discomfort becomes comfortable not because any of it has changed, but because i have changed.
to unlearn
unlearn and be without worry. — dao de jing, ch 19 or 20, depending on translation
which brings me to the next point: intellectual change. so much of what i think i know comes from a certain indoctrination from society. i was taught things that other people wanted me, for whatever reason, to know and believe about family, religion, politics, economics, science, and history. we are what we are taught, but i have come to see that intelligence and intellect, while wonderful tools, do not unquestionably improve life. in fact, they are often misapplied and cause suffering.
nature, on the other hand, has a unique intelligence and intellect about it. not anything like i or anyone else has. something incomprehensible. i think we in western culture lack a word to describe it and how it applies to the natural world and greater universe. a word drawn from eastern cultures would be “the way.” i suppose the closest word we would have is “god.” and yet, that has a separate and different connotation. scientists call it “instinct” in reference to the animal kingdom. as humans, we seem to have been taught to quiet our instincts. we’ve lost our way.
i’m not sure if it’s the open vastness of the wild spaces, the absence of noise from the modern world, or something else entirely. perhaps it’s the rhythm of my feet on the earth. or maybe it’s all of it. but, hiking allows me to reconnect with that instinctual part of myself. i begin to unlearn many of the things i’ve have assimilated over the years. most of it has no bearing on real life. very little of it has anything to do with surviving and completing a thru-hike. i suppose in some ways, i’m attempting to become a more natural version of me.
hiking is simple
sleep when you are tired. move your bowels when necessary. eat when you are hungry. that’s all. the ignorant will laugh at me, but the wise will understand.
— zen wisdom
a self-reflection on what is necessary and important, thru-hiking allows for a lot of things to simply fall away as i have very few things that are of any concern. cleaning a closet is much easier when i’m not simultaneously filling it full of stuff. it is remarkable how little i actually need, both physically and mentally. long-distance hiking simplifies life: walk, eat, hydrate, sleep, relieve oneself, and occasionally resupply. that’s all. it does not get much simpler than that. and when things are simpler, life is simpler. and when life is simpler the heart and mind are better balanced. there’s a clarity to the present, what is happening right now. and now is the only time in which we live. i know that sounds trite and corny and laughable, but it’s a fact. and some facts are so simple they seem childish. those are the ones to truly embrace.
to be now
if the trail taught me anything at all it was to let go of my expectations and accept what is. — chris jones
most of us attempt to live in one of two places in time: the past or the future. the result of this is often anxiety and stress. living in the future is expectations, desires, and fantasizing about how things will/could/should be. existing in the past is the opposite of course, pining for the way things were, remembering horrible things, or languishing in how bad things were. past and future almost always lead to disappointment and suffering because we do not live with how things actually are. allow me to share a personal anecdote.
it was the 35th day of my appalachian trail hike. i planned to get something to eat, resupply, and do laundry in atkins, virginia. the guidebook mentioned a mexican restaurant right where the trail crossed a highway. for 3 days i imagined how good this food was going to taste. i would have some chips and salsa. a cold beer. rice and beans. enchiladas. i visualized the plate of food. i could taste it. it was going to be so delicious.
i emerged from the woods around 10:15 that morning expecting the restaurant to be open around 10:30 am or so. i walked over and it was closed. it didn’t open until 11:00 am. disappointed, i had a choice. wait or go do chores. it was 3 miles to the dollar general and laundry. in my mind i did not have an hour to waste. it was already going to be a 4 hour town stop. i didn’t want to stretch it to 5. i walked around a bit, not sure what to do. oh, the thought of the mexican food. i was so hungry. i decided to start walking to town and maybe catch the restaurant on the way back to the trail.
i made it into town and resupplied at the dollar general. i then walked over to the laundromat and discovered it had no change machine. even if it had, out of 30 washers and dryers only a handful did not have “out of order” signs on them. would they even work? irritated, i headed back over to the dollar general.
as i walked through the doors for the second time i saw the sign at the register: “do not ask for change for the laundromat. we do not give it out under any circumstances.” i sighed. all my expectations for that day had been shot down. deflated, i purchased some tortillas, bean dip, cheese, sliced black olives, and hot sauce. that was my lunch. it more than likely was just as delicious as that mexican food would have been. i’ll never know because i had no reason to stop.
it was that day— that very day when something flipped in my mind. i let go of expectations. the yearning for things ended. that lesson has stayed with me. i do not “want” something to eat. i simply see what is available and choose from that. my wants/expectations for things in the future are few and far between. i do some planning and prepare. i can look at what is happening now and make a decision about how to prepare for the upcoming moments, but expectations for how they should turn out are almost non-existent.
we can only live right now. when we are not living right now, we are not really living. we’ve wandered and are attempting to live in a time that is non-existent. we cannot actually live in the past or the future. previous nows can give us experience so our actions in upcoming nows have more agreeable circumstances and results, but that’s the end of it. to have any anticipation for the future or lamentation or celebration of the past simply leads to stress and anguish.
low level ecstasy
going back to a simpler life based on living by sufficiency rather than excess is not a step backward. — yvon chouinard
on trail the simplest things are celebrated. sometimes ecstatically. a piece of perfectly wrapped candy found on the sidewalk in a trail town. freeze-dried creme brûlée dessert given as trail magic and shared by four thru-hikers at a picnic table. the clean feeling of simply rinsing the day’s dirt off in a clear and frigid stream. dry socks. oh man, dry socks. a cup of actual, good, hot, brewed coffee. a warm beer. removing a heavy pack for a short break. any kind of actual prepared food. cheap buffet pizza.
low level ecstasy sincerely allows one to feel these things. it does not take much for a long distance hiker to become appreciatively excited and truly, heartrendingly thankful.
i don’t see a lot of that in modern society. expectations of immediate gratification from luxury and excess are rampantly demanded.
nature
when you look out of your eyes, at nature happening out there, you’re looking at you. that’s the real you. the you that goes on of itself. — alan watts
i can’t fail to mention nature. the universe. natural forces. the grandeur. birth and death.
i feel at once small and huge.
small compared to it all.
huge compared to it all.
i grew up with a backdrop of hundreds of acres of woods and nature. i’ve always naturally gravitated to natural areas. they were and are my safe space. my place to go to have quiet and reflect; where i can wander and stop thinking to find clarity. some people would call the feeling i get safety or security. i sense that when in nature, but it’s not quite in the way that most would interpret it. and there are elements of danger in wild spaces. i suppose the best way to describe it is simply: i exist.
i no longer carry headphones to listen to music or saved content on my phone. nor do i carry a book to read. there’s nothing wrong with either of those things. if i have headphones in, i’m distracting myself from my environment. a book to read at night is also a diversion. i seek immersion in nature, not isolation and separation from it. i enjoy the croak of frogs, the hum of insects (ok, mosquitos buzzing is not entertaining), the calls of wild animals, the wind, the thunder, the rustling of tree leaves, the sunrises and sunsets. my feet trod the earth. my skin constantly communes with the air. my ears vibrate to the tunes of the environment. the simple act of walking creates small pressure waves ahead of me as i part the air and glide through it. i rise and fall with the land. i drink water that emerges from deep within the earth or high in the sky. this is the essence of life whether hiking or working; in the country or in the city.
i am connected to everything there is. thus, i am the natural world, not something separate from it.
conclusion
from that exposition, there are some interwoven and common themes. i’ll try to sum it all up in a single sentence.
thru-hiking is not easy and because it’s not easy, it requires that i evolve as well as simplify and shed all that is not mentally, emotionally, and physically necessary in order to have only what i truly need in the moment in order to survive, enjoy, and thrive in the natural environment in which i exist.
in 3 words, thru-hiking is life – the way i want to live it.
that’s why i thru-hike.